Wednesday, December 21, 2005

What if Santa Claus Became a Socialist?

Instead of giving freely, as good, old Saint Nick would, a liberal Santa would destroy the hopes and dreams of children everywhere. After all, one must be concerned about the common good, right? Take from the rich, and give to the poor. No one should have too much - that simply isn't fair. And socialism is based upon the desire for everyone to be treated fairly, regardless of whether they earned that right or not.

Socialist Santa would break into houses with the power of the Federal government and confiscate toys from children.

- If their parents made more than $30,000 per year, he'd take 20-40% of their toys.
- If their parents made more than $50,000 per year, he'd take 30-50% of their toys.
- If their parents made more than $80,000 per year, he'd take 40-60% of their toys.
- If their parents made more that $100,000 per year, he'd take 50-80% of their toys.

Of course, Santa would take public transportation and deliver toys at the slowest possible rate to the poor and needy. Come to think of it, he'd hire the labor unions, at incredible cost, to deliver the presents. Unfortunately, this would be the slowest, most inefficient way possible. To pay off the massive debt, Santa would have to sell most of the toys, but the cost would be too high for the poor to afford them. Isn't that the socialist way?

Instead of a season of joy, it would be a season of misery. Just like in France...all the time.

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